My Granddaughter and the Internet.

Soooo, last Saturday my son who lives on the east coast, the turkey, so far away, called me and said “Today we will get you on the internet so you can see Amy.”  She is about 2 ½ now, and I have been trying to get back there, but one thing and another keeps messing up my schedule, including my job and not wanting to be there the same time as my ex, who is going there in July.

Ok, so we get on the phone and are talking.  Did I say I hate modern phones?  When I was a kid, you could take a phone and tip your head and hunch up your shoulder and hold it with your chin and talk while doing something else with your hands.  Usually cooking or washing dishes, fun stuff like that.  Now the phones are tiny and you can’t do that.  Don’t tell me I can get a headset and use that.  I have spent enough on this damn phone and its accessories; I’m not spending more money on it.  If I could figure out a way to do without a phone I would.  I hate phone companies.

Whew!  I really shouldn’t ever talk about phones and the phone companies; my blood pressure just goes up way too high.  Ok, I need to talk myself down here . . . . Ummmm lets see, where was I?  Uhhh, yes, on the phone with my son, ready to get set up so I can see my granddaughter.

The problem with the shape of the phone is that I need to keep putting it down to type stuff into the computer, so I can’t hear directions from my son while I am working on this.  So the first thing I’m told to do is “Look for the little yellow icon of a guy walking and click on him.”  So I’m looking all over my computer desktop and no little walking yellow guy, go figure.  When I finally convince my son that I do not indeed have the little walking guy, he says “Well then, you will have to download AOL, or AIM.”

Alrighty then.  I put down the phone, the first of many phone depositories on my desk, and type in AOL in the browser thingy.  Sorry, I really am an educated engineer, but I hate computer jargon.  So then I get to the AOL website, and there are at least 4 different options for stuff to download.  I only want the AIM thing so I hunt all over the damn screen looking for it.  It is like reading an ad in the paper for cheap garden furniture and trying to find the citronella candles.  Or like trying to find Waldo in one of those children’s books.  Only finding Waldo was more fun.

My son is very patient, but I could tell he was getting exasperated.  Everyone who helps me on computer stuff gets exasperated because I have this love-hate relationship with computers and the internet.  I think they were created to drive us insane so we will all go out to a very high bridge or a tall building and throw stuff off, hopefully not ourselves.  I never swore until I got a computer.  Now I can swear like a drunk sailor.  Did I mention my son is a sailor?  No reflection on him.

So I find the AIM thingy idol/ icon and get it downloaded.  It keeps asking me for passwords and my ID or name or something and then rejecting what I type in because someone else has that name or the password doesn’t have enough numbers, letters or whatever.

Oooooooh, I get so mad just thinking about it.  If it isn’t going to accept what I put in, why doesn’t it just tell me what to type in so I can get on with what I’m trying to do.  Besides, any 3rd grade hacker can probably get all my information without even being fully awake, so why am I going to all this trouble?  It’s like putting locks on my car and my house when thieves just break a window and walk right in.  I mean really, who are we kidding?  I’m all for a false sense of security if it helps me to sleep nights, but not if it costs me a lot of money or AGGRAVATION.

Alright, so now I have the program downloaded and installed.  Did I mention that I have never been able to get the camera to work on my computer so that my son and my granddaughter can see me?  Now I have to open the program and “accept” his “invitation” to get online.  For some reason that was hard to do.  I suspect that with all the times the program required me to pick and ID and password and kept making me change it because someone else had already had it; I wasn’t sure which one applied now.  I tried a couple and bingo!  Got the right one after only two tries.

Whew!  I finally got to see my granddaughter! She kept yelling something unintelligible and running at a screen door (they live in the south).  My son said she was yelling at a bug.  I did get to see her, but she seemed to be in constant motion.  That’s ok.  That’s what they do at that age nowadays.  I raised two boys and one was very active to the point of what they call hyperactive now, and one that was very calm and laid back, from infancy on.

Well, that was about it.  I see the little yellow running guy thingy now on my computer, theoretically, the next time I want to see my granddaughter I can.  I don’t trust computers though, they are cranky and quirky machines that do not always do what they are supposed to.

We’ll see. J